If I Say I Need Space…

15 Sep

I’m going through transition. That’s no secret. I hate to bring it up over and over again, but I’ve experienced the most unexpected loss and my life is sorta up in the air now.

I try to keep a great public face from time to time, but I’ve realized more and more that I’ve been living this life kinda half-assed. And if I want to get the most out of it, I need to put more into it. *Dusting off a copy of The Purpose Driven Life* Whew, that’s a lot of dust.

So, in my adventures in Soulcialiting, I was out on last Wednesday night at the Boss Network’s Inspired by Influencers event held at the uber-exclusive L2 Lounge.  {I’m not bragging about the exclusive places that I go – just bragging that this place is hella cool. And exclusive because you need a membership (fee reported at about $1500/ year) to get in. } Update: I’ve read the membership fee is *clears throat* $3,500!!!!

Instead of kicking it with my friends at the Rose party, I decided to make it an early night (I did have to get up for work,after all) and go home and answer a few tough questions about myself and where I wanted my life direction to go.

I had only had one drink, so it wasn’t like I was mad intoxicated or even slightly buzzed {The drink was at Happy Black Girl Day hours before.}

Thirty minutes of prayer or journaling would have done me well. But, I didn’t get a chance to do it because my phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. Ugggh!

Here’s how the texts starts:

Friend: Hey Buddy, I know you’re out and about. I figured I’d holla at you.

Me: Nope, I’m home, about to spend some quiet time with me.

Friend: Quiet time with you huh? I figured you were out in my hood. I was gonna come meet up. Are you tired?

Sure, I spend a lot of time near U Street, but that didn’t mean that I was there THAT night.

Me: (2nd time telling you & I hate repeating myself) Nope, not tired, thinking.

Friend: {one minute later} Whatcha thinkin’ about….I’m very curious.

Okay, by this time, my meditation is broken. Words can’t flow. No prayers going up. NO Response.

Friend: {two minutes later} Should I guess or do I get hints?

At this point, I’m kinda fuming. I had high hopes for this time. I simply choose to ignore my friend.

Friend: (five minutes later} If I don’t get deets quick I’m gonna call you.

IS this a threat? Are you serious? I told you I was spending some time thinking. Can you respect that?

I take a few minutes to pause and let some of the anger dissipate before I respond. I don’t wanna be rude, or act too hastily, but DANG… I mean can I live?

Me: {Okay, I’ve erased the message, but basically, it was like, buzz off . I’m trying to be still, ala The Power of Now}

If I say I need space….can you respect that? I don’t know how much more clear that I could have been. If you reach out to someone after 10pm and they tell you they’re thinking, sheeed, give them the space they’re asking for.  My friend started off the conversation asking how I was doing. By my responses, my friend should have known that I wasn’t doing alright, and that their constant interruption of my quiet time was truly bugging me out.

I need people, I need my friends right now. But I needed this quiet time more. I’m sorry I had to be a lil snippy (it was brief and flippant and didn’t involve any curse words} – there was simply no other way.


3 Responses to “If I Say I Need Space…”

  1. Jespy September 18, 2010 at 10:41 am #

    I feel you sista. We have got to get to that place of peace for ourselves, by any means necessary.

  2. datGurl! September 28, 2010 at 5:33 pm #


    isnt that just THE most annoyin’ thing??? make you wanna get in your car and GO to this person, kick they ass and tell them, YOU DONT GET IT!! IM TRYIN TO DO ME!! BUTT OUT!!

    since Im not a fond admirer of police and jail cells I dont go that far.

    but if that dayumm phone ring…

    • Najeema September 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

      I should have just cut the phone off. Getting in my car would have been a mistake. It would have TOTALLY brought be out of my element. LOL.
      Thanks for the comment.

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